He Dumped Me for His Ex and I Never Spoke to Him Again

Today I'grand going to prove you the three most prevalent thoughts that your ex is thinking about if they don't contact you.

It'south probably also relevant to mention that each of these three things that I'chiliad going to talk nigh today are based on my experience as a coach and founded on award winning research (more on that in a infinitesimal.)

And so, if yous've ever wondered what is going on in your exes listen when they don't contact yous look no further.

Your answers are below!

What The Heck Is Your Ex Thinking About When They Don't Contact Yous?

In all there are three thoughts or overlying concepts that are going to be very prevalent in your exes listen if they don't contact you,

1. The Pendulum Swing
2. They Have To Contact Me Showtime
3. The Peak End Dominion

Now, I don't expect you to empathize whatever of these concepts. In fact, I'd be shocked if you did because exactly one third of the answers are from my own findings and I haven't really talked nigh information technology that much.

But I'1000 rambling.

The remainder of this article is going to exist very straight forward.

I'one thousand going to ascertain each of these concepts for you.

Let's begin with my personal favorite.

ane. What Is "The Pendulum Swing?"

Before I start getting philosophical I'd like to ask yous if you know what a pendulum is?

No?

Well, rather than accept me sit here and explain it for you it'southward probably meliorate if I show it to you,

Essentially it'south something that swings from left to right.

Generally you'll see a lot of physics professors using it to explain one of newtons laws but I really call back it's the perfect analogy to draw what goes on within of someone when they get through a breakup.

Pretend for a moment that the pendulum actually was an indicator for how you were feeling internally after a breakup,

On 1 side of the spectrum (the left side) yous have all of the bad feelings you could be feeling,

• Acrimony
• Resentment
• Depression

And on the other side of the spectrum (the right side) you have all the good feelings that you lot could be feeling,

• Missing your ex
• Loving your ex
• Wanting to get back together

Most of my clients would kill to have their exes experience this way about them.

Speaking of clients, one common complaint I hear from them about their exes is that they wish they didn't get all of these mixed signals.

Ane moment their ex is asking them something like,

Do you ever recollect nigh getting back together?

Almost implying that they do want to get dorsum together and then the side by side minute they can't become a response from them. They are left in that atrocious limbo country.

The pendulum explains what is going on in this instance.

Over the years I've witnessed an interesting design taking place.

Exes tend to get through a pendulum of emotions after a breakup.

Where one moment they commencement feeling good,

And the side by side moment they starting time feeling bad,

It'due south during these "bad moments" that you'll find that your ex doesn't desire to talk to you.

Interesting to think that there is this internal boxing going on within your ex, isn't it?

But if you dubiety this concept exists I'd like to plough your attention to your own experience with breakups. Yous've probably experienced this pendulum of emotions, haven't you?

So, that is the first affair going on in your exes head afterwards a breakup that would cause them to not contact y'all.

Let'due south move on to another common thought I meet a lot of the fourth dimension.

2. They Have To Contact Me First

I want to evidence you something.

Hold on for a moment while I look it upwards…

Ah, there it is,

This is a picture of me taken about ten years ago a few weeks after I had been through a breakup.

Expect how atrocious I look.

I'm kidding!

Anyways, I posted this picture considering every single time I expect at information technology I recall of that pause up.

I recollect very clearly I had a mantra,

In that location is no way I'm contacting her first, she is going to contact me

I'yard pretty stubborn.

I am a taurus later on all.

Anyways, my ex was pretty stubborn too which meant that nosotros were in the midst of an epic stand up off,

Perhaps the most interesting thing was the reasoning for why I wouldn't contact her kickoff.

10 years agone I was 18 years old.

Which meant that I wasn't exactly the most experienced with relationships. Information technology also meant I nevertheless bought into this idea that after every break up there is a winner and a loser.

And in my mind I'd start to "lose the breakup" if I reached out to my ex.

Therefore, she was going to have to talk to me outset if she wanted to talk to me.

You're dying to know who contacted who first, aren't you?

Information technology was her.

She was actually very clever in how she approached information technology to.

You see, in 2008 Hurricane Ike hit my hometown,

I grew upwards in a little place chosen Friendswood, Texas which is very shut to where the video higher up was taken.

Anyways, the Hurricane went over our house and she reached out to bank check on me and make sure I was ok.

To this day I take always regretted how mean I was to her when she reached out. Yous see, upon seeing that I was "winning the breakdown" I got very arrogant and said something like this to her,

I regret it because I call up she was just trying to exist overnice but "winning the breakdown" was more important to me at the fourth dimension.

Anyways, I am telling you this story because I desire you to see how seriously some people have this concept of making you attain out first.

And it could be going through your exes listen if they don't talk to you.

iii. The Peak End Dominion

The tiptop-terminate rule has been revolutionary for my book readers who have really embraced it.

Why?

Because it gives you insight into how man beings recollect and act when they remember experiences.

So, what is "the peak-end rule?"

Put only, homo beings recall experiences based on how they felt at the peak of the feel (it's nearly intense part) and the end of the experience.

In other words, when we think back to experiences nosotros don't account for the sum of it'due south parts we account for mostly those two parts.

It looks a little like this,

Those two snapshots of time brand up the bulk of our retention when we retrieve dorsum to the experience.

Then, what does this have to do with your ex non contacting yous.

Well, it'south really an extension of what I talked almost above with the pendulum.

If you recall, the pendulum moves from left to correct, from bad to good.

The summit-end rule describes the motivation for why the pendulum moves.

Consider for a moment that your ex is remembering your fourth dimension together and they showtime thinking well-nigh the peak,

The peak of your experience together is arguably the strongest and most exciting part to think about.

Almost probable it's going to cause the pendulum to swing to the right,

A few days later your ex starts to call back the end of your human relationship,

This of course causes the pendulum to swing to the left equally they recollect how bad they felt at the cease of your time together,

Exercise you come across how these to concepts work together in tandem?

Do you see some of the motivation backside why your ex may not want to talk to you?

It'due south pretty crazy, correct?

Let's do a quick recap because I dropped some advanced stuff onto your plate that I usually just save for my clients.

Determination

What we talked well-nigh today is pretty avant-garde then I'm sure there will exist a lot of questions in the comments. If you didn't already know I answer all of my comments personally.

Sometimes I'grand a lilliputian slow almost getting back to people but they do go answered eventually.

Then, don't hesitate to enquire a question if something confuses you.

Let's practice a quick recap,

• The are three prevalent thoughts that your ex is likely to think near if they don't contact yous
• The pendulum
• I'm non going to contact them first, they'll have to contact me first
• The meridian terminate rule
• The pendulum is only an analogy for the trajectory your emotions take afterwards a intermission upwards
• Adopting a mindset of "they'll have to contact me first" is an instance of stubbornness
• The peak end dominion describes the motivation for why your exes emotions gamble trajectory after a pause up

Again, if yous have any questions don't hesitate to ask them below.

peacheyfactiven.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-is-your-ex-thinking-if-they-dont-contact-you/

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